On this week’s Unlocking Us podcast, Dr. Brené Brown interviewed Drs. John and Julie Gottman about their new book The Love Prescription. In it, they described the importance of a “Turning Towards” mindset in relationships.
They describe three different possibilities in small interactions: you can turn towards, turn away, or turn against.
“Turning towards means ‘how do you respond to your partner’s bid for attention, bid for connection?'”
Dr. Jule Gottman
You can react to what your partner says (turn towards), ignore or say nothing (turn away), or give a hostile response (turn against). As the researchers describe, the time it takes to turn towards is often just a few seconds, but their research is clear that it’s essential in building and maintaining a durable relationship.
I think it’s also a great way to think about relationships in the workplace, or in any community where you have ongoing connection with colleagues or friends. The small moments of honoring a colleague’s bid for attention are help ensure that your working relationship can be strong and effective. It’s the tiny moments that let people know you value them.
How do you make sure you turn towards your colleagues?