Trading Candy

There is a time-honored tradition for my son and his friends to meet up after trick-or-treating to trade candy.

Someone prefers Almond Joy, someone prefers Snickers. (Everyone without an allergy likes peanut butter cups, so you leave with the same number you came with, and then your parents take them.) Does anyone like Bit-O-Honey?

This year, to avoid unnecessary human contact, the group had the bright idea of each buying some candy instead of going door-to-door. They packed it in their buckets or pillowcases, and met up outside to trade. They bought a wide selection of candy, not just their own favorites, expressly because they wanted the experience of trading and socializing.

I love it.

And of course, we all would do well to take the lesson to heart. Our society is more cohesive when we don’t put ourselves first, but make decisions based on the outcome we want. My son and his friends wanted the social experience, and they bought accordingly. If they had each just bought their own favorites, the party would have ended before it started, and the primary goal – social connection – wouldn’t have been reached.

We all need to do better at buying the candies we think others would want, not just what we think would be best for our own cupboards and bellies.

Program music that you tolerate but that some choir members love. Pick a restaurant that everyone will find something good at.

Take into account other preferences than your own, and prioritize choices that increase your connection to others.