Learning to manage time and balance commitments can be difficult for high school and college students. It’s something I focus a fair bit of energy on, both with individual counseling and group conversations.
Once in a while, the challenge is to empower students to manage their commitments when someone else in their life is making demands or threatening punishment. In these situations, here are some of the things I might do.
First, communicate individually with the student about expectations, commitments, and balance. I like to say something like, “I love that you’re committed to both of these activities. I do expect that you balance them, which to me means means that the sacrifice goes both ways.
Second, sometimes a student is afraid to talk to a particularly strict adult leader in their lives. A boss, a coach, a parent – there are lots of people who can make students feel that they can’t speak freely. (I work very hard to hopefully ensure that my students don’t view me that way.) In this case, I’m going to supersede them and reach out directly to that adult, offering a potential equitable solution. Hopefully we can work together to keep the student out of this and find a solution that we both feel is fair.
Third, and overarching, is to make sure the students know that I value them and respect their passions. I am not going to every punish them for their choices in this situation. If they miss a lot of rehearsals in a certain time period, they might lose special opportunities that require their presence, such as a section leader position. But I respect their decision and make clear that it is not punitive.
I feel so strongly that high school, and even college, should be a period in our lives when we can explore, try, fail, and try something else. Unless the adults in the room empower students to fail without long-term consequences, students will learn to make safe choices that ultimately limit their life experiences at a formative time.