No matter how many times I get sick, I can’t shake a deep sense of anger about being sick. I’m angry at letting down my family, students, my clients. I’m angry at being unable to do all the things I do in a day.
But I also know that the anger at illness is totally pointless. I’m going to get sick sometimes, and I’m going to get well again. I certainly don’t hold it against anyone else in my life when they get sick – instead, I pour as much energy as I can into helping them recuperate.
Every time I get sick, I remind myself that the anger will do no good. I remember a phrase of Julia Cameron’s: “Treating myself like a precious object will make me strong.” I try and give myself the same gift of rest and peace that I strive to give the people I love.
It’s not easy, and I don’t think I’ll solve it anytime soon. But it’s better than the anger.