The second chapter of Dare To Lead is called “Call to Courage” (it’s the second of five sections in Part One, “Rumbling With Vulnerability”). I think the purpose of this chapter is to compel us to act by convincing us of the value of adopting vulnerability in our leadership. As she says at the end of the chapter, “Daring leadership is ultimately about serving other people, not ourselves. That’s why we choose courage.”
This article will unpack the chapter, discuss its implications specifically for choral leaders, and then ask you the questions I’ve been asking myself as I read.
Clear is Kind. Unclear is Unkind.
“Most of us avoid clarity because we tell ourselves that we’re being kind, when what we’re actually doing is being unkind and unfair.” (48)
Clear expectations for our singers. Clear boundaries for our students and ourselves. Clear ideas about what quality music-making looks like. Clear feedback on auditions and performances. Clear goals and structure for the rehearsal.
Note she does not say cruel. “Brutal honesty” is not the same as clarity. But there is a way to thread the needle of clear feedback without resorting to any of the “four horsemen.”
I loved this advice I read many years ago on Choralnet from John Howell. “…those who made the cast got a form letter and a cast list, everyone who did NOT make it got a personalized letter thanking them and giving suggestions for their improvement.” This, to me, is an example of the kind of clear kindness that Dr. Brown is referring to.
Circle Back
You can’t build trust without being vulnerable. You can’t be vulnerable without feeling trust in the people you’re with. That seeming paradox is at the core of shedding armor and embracing vulnerability. Dr. Brown says, “trust is in fact earned in the smallest of moments […] through paying attention, listening, and gestures of genuine care and affection.” (32)
I think this is of primary concern to the choral leader and to choral ensembles – emotional vulnerability is at the core of the vocal music we seek to make, and it simply can’t be made without trust of the leader and trust between the ensemble singers.
I know many ensembles that do a particularly good job at kickstarting this vulnerability-trust cycle with early-year retreats, team building exercises, and other activities designed to raise questions and help singers enter into relationships that can continue to build. This start, I think, needs to be viewed as a foundation, not an end – this cycle needs to be paid into throughout the year. Perhaps a choir can have monthly “Olympics” competing in silly games, or a regular series of fireside chats on important issues, guided by the leader. (Both examples drawn from friends’ work).
Trust stacking is vital to building your group’s capacity.
Dr. Brown says “I’ve never regretted taking a short break or circling back after a few hours of thinking time.” (49)
In the rehearsal process, do you ever face an intractable issue that you beat into the ground without solving, only to find it miraculously fixed the next rehearsal? Circle Back gives you the permission to go ahead and plan on that being a viable rehearsal strategy. Rather than leave everyone frustrated and demoralized, be flexible enough to say, “We’re leaving this piece and we’ll circle back in a day or two.” Lucky for us – we’re almost always working on plenty of repertoire so we can shift gears fluidly. As Dr. Brown says, she has “regretted many instances where I pushed through to get it over and done with. Those self-serving instincts end up costing way more time than a short break.” (49)
Invest Time in Fears and Feelings
“Leaders must either invest a reasonable amount of time attending to fears and feelings, or squander an unreasonable amount of time trying to manage ineffective and unproductive behavior.” (67)
Trying to sidestep vulnerable topics, perhaps hiding behind music that must be attended to for an upcoming concert, has the potential to result in unproductive time later. The data are clear that investing early in creating that trust cycle will save your team in the long run.
Dr. Brown also points out, “If we find ourselves addressing the same problematic behaviors over and over, we may need to dig deeper to the thinking and feeling driving those behaviors.”
In other words, fix problems, not symptoms.
No Responsibility for Emotions
“When we’re in tough rumbles with people, we can’t take responsibility for their emotions….But if their behaviors are not okay, we set the boundaries.” (68)
I happen to think that all vulnerable choral performances are tough rumbles, and it’s important that we can differentiate between criticizing how our singers feel and how they behave. Dr. Brown gives a few examples; I’ll add this one. “I know that run-through wasn’t our best. Being frustrated is okay. Pointing fingers is not.”
Dr. Brown ends the chapter saying, “We can’t both serve people and try to control their feelings.” If we want to dare to lead, we have to want to serve our choirs. That means allowing them to rumble with emotions – within the behavioral boundaries we clearly set.
Four Key Learnings
- Meeting Minutes
- Turn & Learn
- Gritty Faith & Gritty Facts
- What’s My Part
These four learnings are not as key to the top-down conductor driven choir, but as a choir becomes more self-led, with more input on musical and non-musical decisions of all sizes, they become more important. I will say that taking the two minutes at the end of rehearsal to generate Meeting Minutes will likely be a game changer for retention and growth of your ensemble – whether the conductor creates those minutes or a member of the group.
The Power of Story
I was most intrigued by the way Dr. Brown structured this chapter. She always uses story as a prime way to illustrate her research findings, but here the entire chapter is structured around two long-form stories with minimal connective tissues. The story from Colonel DeDe Halfhill lasts a full seven pages, uninterrupted.
I don’t think that it is over-interpreting this chapter to say that she wants us to recognize that the way to reach our own choirs/audiences/teams isn’t through data, it’s through story. If you want to empower your singers to be vulnerable, it’s important to make it personal with story – ideally one that demonstrates the vulnerability you seek to inspire.
Questions
“Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.” (48) Can you think of a way that you are consistently clear to your singers? How about a time when you were lovingly unkind because you failed to be clear?
“When we’re in fear, or an emotion is driving self-protection, there’s a fairly predictable pattern of how we assemble our armor, piece by piece. (51) Can you describe a situation when your singers were able to push you into assembling your armor as Dr. Brown describes? How might you be able to remain vulnerable in those situations?
“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” (52) What is the treasure you seek as a choral leader? What is the cave you fear to enter?
Can you offer ways to use Dr. Brown’s four Key Learnings (54-58) to enhance your choral ensemble’s collaboration?
Do you invest in fears and feelings, or wait until they manifest in behavior in your choir? How might you find more time for this balance in the coming years?
“Daring leadership is ultimately about serving other people, not ourselves. That’s why we choose courage.” (69) Two chapters in, are you being called to specifically scrutinize or change any patterns in your choral leadership? Are you inspired to choose courage and make those changes?
The next three chapters will continue to wrestle with ideas of vulnerability and trust, and offer many more insights valuable to choral leaders. I’ll publish my reflections on Section 3, “The Armory” on Monday, July 1.