Excerpts from a recent podcast conversation between Brené Brown and Debbie Millman:
“If I fail wholeheartedly, I can live with that. If I fail and I’ve been half-ass, or halfhearted, in my effort: that, I cannot live with.”
-Brené Brown
“A students said, ‘I’m afraid if I do this and I fail, I will die of a broken heart.’ And I ask, ‘What would you rather die of? Regret at not trying?'”
-Debbie Millman
This problem is endemic in our young people: students will freely admit they’d rather fail and blame it on not trying than to give it their all and still risk failure.
To repair this, we need to reimagine our educational priorities from a young age – so that we can celebrate wholehearted failure and not celebrate halfhearted success.
How can we better celebrate wholehearted failure as educators and parents?
- Offer full credit for repeat attempts at tests and projects when there is evidence of continued effort.
- Publicly celebrate wholehearted effort.
- Craft school assignments that focus on effort rather than outcome. (Trusting that the right effort will lead to the desired outcome.)
- Speak truth as parents about effort rather than outcome. “I saw how hard you worked.” > “You got all A’s”
We can create a future of wholehearted adults who strive to make the world better. It is up to our educators and parents to give young people the tools.